Expressing the unexpressed

Wednesday, November 11, 2009



this is worth blogging..


the game against the nigerian team just a few hours ago was one of the best experiences i had in school. Not only did i manage to get my best match workout in weeks, i think i effectively contributed towards our win. More importantly, playing against a suit of black men who are too precocious for their own good and seeing how worlds apart asians and africans are in the genetic makeup left us breathless. literally.

we witnessed our african peers run wild and overpower us in almost every department. their sheer brute strength and inability to feel physical pain left us scratching our heads.. they were almost eating us alive and at every single moment that they won a 50/50 challenge, theres a suspicion of them using their third legs.. the tackles that we made on them left US injured from the knock. hahah.

but i guess they're human after all.. a lethal combination of asian doggedness, speed at the right moments and a well-oiled team game gave us a 2-1 win.. took a blow outta my lungs too.





if you don't already know, there's an ant that's been circling my table since last night called Ignatius.

he's back again.


bruddakhai mused at 10:47 PM 0 comments



been overspending. cannot. go. on. like. this.

fck ciggies.


bruddakhai mused at 2:27 AM 0 comments

Tuesday, November 10, 2009



there's an ant tts been scuttling across my table in circles for the past half an hour.

thou shalt be named Ignatius.


bruddakhai mused at 11:23 PM 0 comments





bruddakhai mused at 3:25 AM 0 comments



today, i learnt from maria daud rowe that women watch and cry over sappy movies because they watch it as a form of catharsis.

this catharsis comes when they always relate it back to their own lives. when they see that there is a more complex situation out there and it either portrays a parallel or overrides their very own, they go into a climax of sorts that manifests into tears. with these tears, it facilitates in the management of their very own complexities.

that is the boon of their existence.





i thank God i attended training today. I reckon it was one of the best trainings i've attended in the longest time, ever. There was Uncle Sam to take us today and we did a lot of strength training with medicine balls, hurdles and some games. The games were the best because it simply involved mud, dampness and bodies clashing into each other. think medicine ball and dog and bone. there was a world of pain. i got studded on my hands and legs but it was fun.. hell it was drizzling and we were rolling and wrestling each other.. haha.

after today, i think i will play rugby for hall.


bruddakhai mused at 12:43 AM 0 comments

Monday, November 09, 2009



and in the night, i can be helpless.
and in the day, everything's complex.




today i achieved my goal! i slowed down my bike in the anak bukit tunnel on the CTE and did a figure of 8 across 3 lanes when it was all clear. ADRENALINE RUSH!




good morning, week 13.


bruddakhai mused at 5:08 AM 0 comments

Sunday, November 08, 2009



the shootings that happened last thursday at Fort Hood is saddening to say the least.

i think it's a ticking bomb. it's a fine line, Muslims around the world, especially around the US are treading on. it's about time there be some global concerted effort by leading muslims groups around the world to take some major reconciliatory steps towards the establishment of some consensus in the form of some kind of a binding memorandum about where we all stand. there has to be an overriding and profound effort into the consolidation of all parties and factions of Muslims around the world. It has to be unprecedented. It cannot be led just by the Arab League. It cannot be led only by the Organization of Islamic Countries.. the need for a genesis of an entirely new entity to embrace all the fractious and patchwork muslim organizations around the world.

it has to be an organization which actively engages itself in the sphere of the media. A bold and engaging entity. A fresh and imposing figure on the world stage that is able to engross and capture the audience of the most important players in the world today. It has to be seen as more than just an interest group, but a giant in every aspect. It has to possess the ability to be subscribed by the vast majority of muslims. By being reliable and dependable in the eyes of the myriad muslim nations around the world as an entity, firstly, it has to acknowledge the inequalities that exist across the whole spectrum of muslim countries and prove itself as one that can take care of its needs deprivations. Within the organization itself, a mammoth task of bringing together members; winning the hearts and minds of the marginalized and disenchanted - it is a more imperative task than winning the hearts and minds of the followers of other faiths around the world.

There has to be some form of condensed bureaucratization and a more appealing presence for a leader. A leader who has the savviness and vibrance of liberal western ideals yet is a formidable champion of the religion, for Islam is universal, just as any other religion is.

Only when the opposing views and disagreements within the Islamic sphere can finally be seen as reconcilable, and not that which is perpetually condemning and divisive, will there be any triumph or significant step towards a more unified religious sphere.


In my own personal opinion, in Singapore (and probably alot of industrialised and developed muslim nations) i feel that Islam's most intrinsic problem lies not in what other people think about us. It's about us starting to drift away instead of growing more intimate with this great religion (as secularism creeps in) and as a result, when there are psychological attacks and abuse hurled at our religion, we possess little knowledge to best circumvent that. LIttle or lacklustre troubleshooting leads to more alienation between follower and faith. At best, we defend it with much vigour, but with the lack of that erudite understanding of the religion. More self-imposed questions are generated as a result and it seems that a herculean effort is needed to answer them.


bruddakhai mused at 5:10 PM 0 comments

Saturday, November 07, 2009



i love friday nights in hall.

i can actually hear the sound of crickets emanating from the surroundings. chillax session with the neighbour that can on for hours.

fresh.

the life.


bruddakhai mused at 5:53 AM 0 comments

Friday, November 06, 2009



i realised something..


when anger and stress besets a guy, ugly and unstable things come out of it. for example, u get a messy room, u get vulgarities and you get ignored.

when anger and stress besets a girl, you get awesome (homemade) things like cupcakes, cheesecakes, cakes, brownies, cookies.. basically all kinds of confectionary and pastries you can think of.



so why do guys turn gay again?


bruddakhai mused at 9:11 AM 0 comments

Thursday, November 05, 2009



i think this is absolutely hilarious.. lol




Brazil man appears at own funeral


A 59-year-old Brazilian man has surprised his family by turning up at his own funeral, local media report.

Relatives of Ademir Jorge Goncalves, a bricklayer, had identified him as the victim of a car crash in southern Parana state the previous day.

Police told O Globo newspaper that relatives had trouble identifying the corpse because it was badly disfigured.

It emerged that Mr Goncalves had spent the night drinking a rum-like liquor called "pinga" with his friends.

He did not get word of his funeral until it was already happening on Monday morning, his niece Rosa Sampaio said.

She said some family members - including herself and the man's mother - had doubts, but an aunt and four friends had positively identified the body.

"What were we to do? We went ahead with the funeral," she told O Globo.

A police spokesman welcomed the happy ending: "Before long, the walking dead appeared at the funeral. It was a relief," the unnamed officer told the paper.

The body was correctly identified later, he said, and buried in another state.


- BBC news, 4 November 2009.


bruddakhai mused at 8:49 AM 0 comments

Tuesday, November 03, 2009



a slice of heaven

location: nus burger king


I just went through one of the best gastronomic experiences in my life after carl's junior in kl..




XXL mushroom swiss


bruddakhai mused at 4:39 PM 0 comments

Monday, November 02, 2009



my very first hell weekend jst ended.


bruddakhai mused at 11:55 PM 0 comments

Sunday, November 01, 2009



the proverbial tiredness

tiredness is probably the order of the day today.. another awesome outing with the members of TGIMN last night (good one team) and rounded it off watching a queens park rangers-leicester game that saw the latter triumph. (sorry maria, the oracle wasn't on form that night, but heck I was impressed by Tarappt, is tt how u spellit?)

I can't describe enough how weird it felt sleeping in that guestroom after the game.. and leaving in the morning. it was like... a ONS.. with absolutely no action involved. lol..

anw 2hrs later we were already back in school for the arts open 6 a side tournament. 16 teams and we emerged top 4! haha. the unlikeliest of outcomes I tell ya.. at times we had to 'negotiate' our way to victory. student referees make for horrigible and sometimes ugly controversies. but it was all in the game. i'd say tt if it was any other tournament outside Nus, there wld've probably been a few brawls. but nus kids are awfully nice and sportsmanlike so yea there was plenty of handshaking and good camaraderie.

in between I had a hall game on the main pitch so I was running to and fro from the courts to the pitch. during the game against ntu hall 3, I got knee-ed in the thigh (yet again) and got the dreaded dead leg. wtf seriously.. thnk God for ice and thigh guards. I returned back to the courts to see my overachieving teammates reaching the quarter-finals of the tournment.. so proud of them. i just had to be thr and continued playing. unfortunately we lost in the semis and subsequently the 3rd and 4th placing match so we ended up trophy-less. haha.. but we exceeded all (lack of) expectations. a really nicely taken respite from all things school. but.. the backlog of work as a result of the break really sucks right now. bahhh.

the Manchester united game starts in a few minutes. I'm currently at west coast macs awaiting thekickoff. Syafiq's beside furiously typing down whtever he can for his political science essay seriously hope that I've kinda completed (hah-hah).



ok united, let's ride on liverpool's loss right nw!



bruddakhai mused at 1:33 AM 0 comments

Thursday, October 29, 2009



I got back from a fantastic catch-up session with a very good friend of mine and this was what i found, slipped into my room through my window.






let me tell you that this was the scheme of my hall master's 9 year old daughter, Megan.. she took away my new pack of cigarettes which i left on the green table just outside my room.. and now its hidden somewhere..

fuggg. heartache that is children.


but u gotta admit its quite cute.


bruddakhai mused at 9:49 PM 0 comments

Wednesday, October 28, 2009



the boon of our existence







bruddakhai mused at 3:17 PM 0 comments



i met a ghost of a past n again and i asked myself after the (very) brief chat.. what if.. aha. sheesh. best i'd ever have?


hmm nayy.


bruddakhai mused at 1:35 PM 0 comments

Sunday, October 25, 2009



we can't pretend we've never been told,
we've all heard the proverbs;
heard the philosophers;
heard our grandparents warning us about wasted time.;
heard the damn poets urging us to seize the day;
still sometimes.
we have to see for ourselves..



- Grey's anatomy, season 1 episode 6.


bruddakhai mused at 4:38 AM 0 comments



you know u can be the worst critic of marriage and all that but when someone close to you announces of his/her plans to tie the knot, you just can't help but feel elated for the fella.


i was driving to st. wilfrid's just now for my game and on the PIE en route, i realised i forgot to bring my black astro turf shoes. how the hell was i supposed to officiate w/o shoes?! i had to zip to kallang to get one and i ended up with a pair of all black Checkers sneakers for a substitute pair. looked like quite the joke.. but well, whtever works.

had an awesome time with the kooliahs at Timbre after that. i think the Goodfellas are really good. versatile bunch. once again i was arrowed by some random angmoh; this time to come up with his whole group to dance. somehow he urged us to dance and my tendency to layan this kinda thing led me to be singled out. i stood up.. but before i could go, the song ended already. haha.




there's just something about the whole union thing huh. congrats bro.


game against Raffles Hall tmr! gogogogo.


bruddakhai mused at 2:35 AM 0 comments

Friday, October 23, 2009






always look at the different examples of relationships around in school and at random moments like these I start to think about the possibility of
myself gettin mired into one.. well not anytime.. but the fantastic feeling of being in a relationship that's so deeply indescribable and pleasant. I've always maintained that I wouldn't get into one anytime soon and I've proven the critics wrong time and time again..

I think I've told a particular person before about the most salient reason tht prevents me from getting into one.. and I'll use this medium as a means to remind myself - I don't want to make her cry. there is no reason why girls (or guys for that matter) should accept pain as part of being a woman. there's a saying that goes along the lines like this:

a man decries pain and protests against it whereas a girl accepts it as part of their heritage..


awfully ridiculous saying. but in a way, as dr maznah mohamad puts it, it can be quite a self-fulfilling prophecy after much conditioning.

I will nvr forget the moment I made her cry and if she's reading this, I won't apologize because i have no reason to attempt in vain, something that's already been commtted. more importantly, I have no intention of whitewashing it. it's just a solemn and poignant reminder of what i'm capable of. it's become quite a fear and repugnance when I look back at that time in the car.. asphyxiated and exasperated her disposition.. haunted me for months tht one. while she didn't even remotely deserved it.




we're just ordinary people..
we don't know which way to go..


bruddakhai mused at 5:39 AM 0 comments

Thursday, October 22, 2009



The Passing

I kinda watched my starhub plan heave it's last breath at about 2358hrs just now. something just moved me to look at my hp at tht particular moment and then I noticed the reception being at an unusually low level. then it occurred to me that the number porting process from starhub to singtel was just about complete..

a few moments later, poof. no service.

very nostalgic the way it left just like that.






- expressed via iPhone


bruddakhai mused at 1:21 AM 0 comments

Wednesday, October 21, 2009



i rode back home yesterday and attended my first resident's committee meeting a few blocks away from mine. there were just about 13 or so of us sitting around a rectangular table. first thing i notced was the generation gap. The next youngest person ahead of me was probably at least 10 years apart. I felt like I was in the wrong room. But wtheck i jst carried on. i had the chance to see how the nitty gritty and politicking goes on in the grassroots. i got to see the chief complains being lashed out at the poor Town Council representative who sat in for the meeting. The Police representative gave us an update about the level of crime in our place. 6 cases of loanshark attacks in the past month. besides that the area over here in my immediate neighbourhood is pretty safe from crime.

most of the complains were about the Lift Upgrading Project.. there was talk about how the lifts have already started to malfunction and how small they were relative to the other LUPs arnd in other constituencies. we had deepavali kuih passed around to ease the tension. I got a white and black about how the funds are being spent. I saw the thousands of net surplus being made last month. fantastic. I almost got singled out to represent them for the inter-rc bowling competition. thnk god for examination period. i declined. haha..

anyway the meeting ended at about 10pm not without celebrating the chairperson's birthday. we had chocolate cake and home-made jelly by one of the committee members' wife. fantastic.


bruddakhai mused at 4:03 PM 0 comments



there is this girl in political science...


bruddakhai mused at 4:01 PM 0 comments

Tuesday, October 20, 2009






i don't quite know how to describe the ministerial forum just now. the main factor that drew me to the talk was the need for more challenging questions to be raised since there was that rare opportunity of a direct channel of communication with a PAP figure. plus the biggest draw of all, the most important Lee was right there in the room.

But the organizers of the ministerial forum gave in to the standard methodology of the way things work in forums involving government officials here locally i.e. to hand them a list of questions and leave it to be reviewed by their own honchos who end up as the forum moderator. hence an audience expecting a potentially scintillating slew of responses from the man himself were left wanting. we were all left hanging dry after the forum. thank god for the cream puffs.



anyway i think it's frustrating that this censorship and implicit detachment of ministerial figures from the common man is being institutionalized. the thing is we don't really know who to blame! is it just us who hold such figures in too high a regard? is it the amount of paranoia on the part of people directly below them who are afraid of some form of wrath should one offend that is government? is it the institutionalized ways in which communication is extremely hierarchical? if you watched Just Follow Law, apparently bypassing your direct superior and talking straight to the top is a social taboo. In Malaysia, reporters and almost any layman who happen to possess a politician's mobile number is normal.

i think MM gave quite a solemn reminder to all singaporeans who's in charge. that reminder we're all too familiar with. he said something about how your hard work is useless if u vote for the wrong people in power. ouch. nasty. of course that alluded to voting for the PAP. who would've thought.



the question that could have possibly salvaged the forum from transforming into a snoozefest was posed by an NUS student who asked how he would actually want himself to be remembered as. Well his answer at the start was uncharacteristically humble when he laughed it off and said he didn't want to be remembered or commemorated but that he was simply honest in what he wanted to do, for he was "..a man who believed in doing something right and well or not do it at all." oklah, granted. but i think the whole lot of us din't really buy that. Well ok, fine.. maybe he's really selfless and starting to model himself after Confucius now.. but that doesn't erase history of his ruthlessness and manipulative tactics that entrenched him and his party in such a steadfast position of power. Maybe he's finally jaded with power accumulation and really meant it when he said that. We shall give him the benefit of the doubt.


ok the final thrust in my rant is.. STOP OVER-EMPHASIZING THE FACT THAT OUR FOREFATHERS CAME TOGETHER UNITED IN MAKING SINGAPORE WHAT IT IS TODAY! it is such a romanticist view that is contrary to the ideals of pragmatism and transparency in Singapore. The Singapore Story is accurate only till the point where it establishes that our forefathers were immigrants. period. The notion that they came here united with a goal to make singapore what it iss today is a COMPLETE MYTH. They came here with noble aspirations, sure. but they were aspirations that were based on survival, opportunity, wealth creation and possessed alot of nostalgia for their respective home countries. Alot of them didn't come here thinking they'd call it home at first. A whole lot of them still paid allegiance to China, Arabia and India.

and (i know what i'm about to say isn't gonna be popular) it is because we are truly blessed to be located in this particular red dot. Our physical location was destined for greatness, no doubt about that. Everything in the peninsular up north was sent down to Singapore to be exported to the world. We have a good harbour. We have zero natural disasters to hinder our economy. Our neighbours were always fraught with strife, typhoons, earthquakes, authoritarian governments that withheld development, prolonged war, the need to fight and not negotiate for independence which we so blissfully had. Independence was already on the charts for Singapore under British agenda. It was a matter of time.

For Indonesia, they had to fight a bloody war for their independence. And on top of that, they still had to resist the remnants of the Dutch after they proclaimed it.

Hence, we have to realize that in the Singaporean context, it is not everything about human grit that contributed to it. We cannot fully believe that the first generation carved this out with their own sweat, blood, tears and what have yous to come up with Singapore pte. ltd. I would say relative to the 3rd generation, our first generation got it hard. yes, beyond a shadow of a doubt. HOWEVER, when you place Singapore's first generation alongside the first generation leaders of our neighbours in the region, we had it easy!

the prudent follow-ups which are needed to complement and make the island a success have to be taken into consideration and can of course, be fully credited to our forefathers and first generation of leaders for their wise and erudite thinking in the socio-economic realm. However, we must also never negate the fact that we were 'taken care of' by the British till 1971 (when they fully pulled out) and that alot of what is around today (CPF, HDB, etc) are merely a modification of colonial legacies left behind.. All these gave us a headstart and played a huge, huge part in us being stable and actually getting to this very day.


You see, we have to start having a paradigm shift away from the notion that we are a super human race in this region that managed to get ourselves our of the rut. We are not. Yes, we are relatively equipped to engage in the New Economy, however, if the region fails, we will fail too. If ASEAN implodes, we will be having alot of Singaporeans coming back to Singapore with no jobs and our Government-linked companies, such a major thrust of our economic growth, will go bust.

There were so many other circumstances that actually worked in our favour. If we really were a population to be reckoned with, then we would've never been affected by the current economic crisis would we?


bruddakhai mused at 1:45 AM 2 comments

Monday, October 19, 2009



testing

testing 1 2 3


bruddakhai mused at 6:30 PM 0 comments



data plan. data plan. data plan.


bruddakhai mused at 6:08 PM 0 comments



tonight, im drowsy.. drowsy with thoughts.

always giving way.

since june.


talking about giving, i've given myself the gift of technology that is the iPhone. it's the best thing tht's happened to the connectivity aspect of my life. besides the e71. it's simply fantastic.

first resident's committee meeting this tuesday. ministerial forum later at 6pm. MMmmmm~ Lee will be there. mm whutchu say..

I either look like Two Face from batman.. or Princess Amidala. just the lips.






bruddakhai mused at 3:32 AM 0 comments

Saturday, October 17, 2009



i was semi-conscious after my friday prayers in hall yesterday.. just lying there cos the drugs were starting to kick in. hah. right. basically i was taking a nap.

out of a sudden there were a group of people outside carrying some plastic bags containing boxes, which contained something. they were calling out to me. God, you don't see a person sleeping in the room and just wake him up like that. but anyways they turned out to be selling krispy kremes to raise funds for HIV-infected people. wow. and one of them was pretty hot.

i ended up buying 4 of it in my pseudo-drunken state and inadvertently parted with $7.50 for that.

when u woke up half an hour later to see the good stuff on my table, i din't regret it at all. cos it tasted awesommeeeee! and oh yah... for a good cause.



ok another lovely and insightful evening with feeqshaikhamaria. 500 days of summer. poignant movie. insightful conversations, simpang bedok and sweets to accompany us through. love em.




ps: applied bonjela on my lip ulcers. i almost shit my pants. the pain.


bruddakhai mused at 4:44 AM 0 comments

Friday, October 16, 2009



It's not a silly little moment
It's not the storm before the calm
This is the deep and dyin breath of
this love we've been workin on
Can't seem to hold you like I want to
so I can feel you in my arms
Nobody's gonna come and save you
we pulled to many false alarms

We're goin down
and you can see it too
We're goin down
and you know that we're doomed
my dear
we're slow dancing in a burnin room

I was the one you always dreamed of
you were the one i tried to draw
how dare you say it's nothin to me
baby, you're the only light I ever saw

I made the most of all the sadness
you'd be a bitch because you can
you try to hit me just hurt me
so you leave me feelin dirty cuz you can't understand

We're goin down
and you can see it too
We're goin down
and you know that we're doomed
my dear
we're slow dancing in a burnin room


bruddakhai mused at 8:03 PM 0 comments



MARATHON OF MEMORIES OR WHAT, THE PAST FEW DAYS!


5th July, 2006..


".. mm i spent the day at the beach again today. had an interesting encounter with a man called Leo. I was nicely swinging on my hammock reading the newpaper when he came around and interrupted my reading by saying "italy will win the world cup lah!" after inroducing himself and all, I found out tht he's a staunch believer in cosmology and all the works. a staunch buddhist. He claims he was an American writer in his previous life and a british soldier shot in the neck in the previous, previous life... a hong kong geomancer told him that. Leo's a spanish-chinese, he's a university grad, previously from sji.. Currently he's a soccer coach for the F&N company. he taught me lotsa stuff about fengshui and karma. i was glad he didn't haf any motives to advocate the faith to me. He told me that sex can take away the bad karma from you. That explains his 161 sexual partners in his life. Funny thing is, he claims to be abstaining from sex for the past 3 years. We actually sat down and chit chatted for two whole hours at my hammock spot near bedok jetty. subjects ranged from soccer (damn knowledgeable) to philosophy. interesting fellow. discerning and street smart. but old.. 42 years of age.

he told me this too. "no hatred, no revenge, do good."


the interesting people that dwell at ecp.. ahhh."


***************************************


i realised that in the past couple of years or so, i ALWAYS (and i mean always) drove to random beaches like ecp and sentosa's tanjung beach alone to sit on my hammock and read a book, or just sleep. Yes, i'm actually a closet tree-hugging hippie back in those days. It made me feel most relaxed and at ease.. tp purge away all the undesirables. or simply to internalize my life at that moment in time..


bruddakhai mused at 4:43 AM 0 comments

Wednesday, October 14, 2009



training was such an intense experience today.. i almost cramped up during the final 2 cool-down rounds. but god it felt good on the way back to hall. i feeeel alive.

greeted by hall food that was almost salivating with oil. yes sometimes i feel its alive after 2130hrs. It stares you down and whispers to you, challenging you to eat it, if you dare. i should take a picture of it one day and post it up here.


bruddakhai mused at 10:56 PM 0 comments